If Noah’s Ark Were Built Today: The Flood Guaranteed to Have Alexa and Vegan Food!

Noah’s Ark… The magnificent vessel mentioned in books that survived the flood, captained by Noah (peace be upon him), and carrying two of every giraffe, panda, and duck, along with the entire animal kingdom. But let’s imagine: If this Ark were built today, how differently would things turn out? Would the ship still be made of wood, or would it be a luxury yacht? Would there be dinosaurs on the animal list? And most importantly: Would filming a TikTok video be allowed?

First, let’s start with the contractor details. The construction of Noah’s Ark today would be put out to tender. A company would be chosen based on the “lowest bid wins” mentality, promising delivery within 3 years, but the Ark would only be finished in 7. Of course, a ‘cost update’ would be made every 3 months, and the budget would triple with the excuse, “wood prices have gone up, man.”

The design of the Ark would certainly be in line with the spirit of the age. The wood would only remain on the exterior, while the interior would feature energy-efficient LED lights, smart-sensor animal feeding systems, recycling units, and even a mini-drone fleet for emergencies. Noah would control all these systems from the captain’s cabin via a tablet: “Alexa, give the tigers water.”

Speaking of animals… Today’s species selection would be a complete debate! While some would insist, “Two pandas must come,” social media celebrity cat Monty would immediately be nominated for the list. Animals without litter training would be banned, and all animals would be required to have microchips and vaccination cards. Crocodiles would only be admitted in suitable cages, bears with masks, and kangaroos accompanied by blankets.

We also can’t forget the vegan diet preference. Special production gluten-free hay and organic carrots would be stocked for some animals’ sensitive stomachs. We’re talking more than just clover; there would be almond milk, quinoa, and chia. Koalas would probably demand avocado toast. Vegan wraps for the lizard, and granola for the cattle in a pinch…

The modern Noah’s Ark would naturally have a communications department. A Starlink satellite connection would be established, and Noah’s daily memories blog, titled “#InTheFloodButBlogging,” would be followed by thousands of readers every morning. Animals would be tagged in Instagram stories, and the hashtag “#TwoLionsOneShip” would be trending. A video of a dancing goat on TikTok would definitely go viral.

Passengers would have spacious lounge areas, yoga platforms, and meditation cubicles. There would be bone-supported cushions tailored for giraffes’ necks, pressure-resistant shower areas for elephants, and areas for squirrels to search for fruit using a flashlight… A genuine five-star flood vacation!

Entry to the Ark would, of course, be via turnstile QR codes. Every living creature would be admitted after a PCR test, with the fauna lining up neatly. The biggest debate would be how many individuals the bees count as: Is “two bees”enough, or should the whole colony be taken?!

Naturally, environmentalists would intervene, issuing statements like, “Loading that many animals simultaneously causes habitat stress!” On the other hand, social media would be split in two: those who argue, “The Flood is fake, you all believed in Mount Ararat!” and those who claim, “This is the real Flood!” Conspiracy videos titled “Is Noah’s Ark Real?” would multiply on YouTube.

And the funniest part: Noah would probably be sent a survey after the voyage asking, “Were you satisfied?” And someone would give a one-star rating: “It didn’t depart on time, one of the giraffes was too noisy, and the emergency exit sign was missing.”

In conclusion, if Noah’s Ark were built today, it would transform into a hybrid experience rather than an ancient ritual. We would experience a wind-powered, app-managed, story-posting, selfie-stick-supported flood journey. But the essence would remain the same: surviving together, journeying together… and perhaps even going viral together!

Bonus Note: After the flood, all the animals would be dropped off at the Aegean coves for a recovery vacation and treated with VIP service. 🛳️🌊🦙